Somewhere there is an ex-White House employee wandering alone, dazed and confused, in search of a new ass to replace the one Señora Hillary chewed off upon her return Stateside from Mexico.

While visiting Mexico, U.S. Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, made an unexpected stop at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe. As Monsignor Diego Monroy brought Clinton before the sacred tilma, which had been lowered from it’s alter especially for her private viewing, Señora H., popped what is being seen in the eyes of many, a doozy of a question:

After observing it for a while, Mrs. Clinton asked “who painted it?” to which Msgr. Monroy responded “God!”

This is the quote which has been made official by Catholic News Agency, however, I’ve been hearing the chismes going around town and from what I’ve heard through our Mexican grapevine, SacandoLaSopa, the whole thing went down a little more like this:

Hillary: Nice piece of art you got there Monsi, the colors are great, that’s not the usual canvas material used, what is it?

Msgr: A tilma, you’d call it a cloak.

Hillary: How creative, not many artist would hve thought of using a cloak as a canvas, I don’t think you can even still find cloaks in the United States. Speaking of artists, who painted this?

Msgr: God.

Hillary: Sweet! Does this God have a last name or a studio?

Msgr: God Almighty, Our Saviour, Father of Christ, you can find Him everywhere.

Hillary:Oh my God, You mean THE God, God?

Msgr: Yes, The one and only God, God.

Hillary: Come on Monsi, is this your way of pulling a funny on the Gringa, you’re pulling my leg, right?

Msgr: I assure you, it’s no joke Sra. Hillary, if you’d like, you can step into my office and use my laptop to Google Her, it’s not a big dark Mexican secret, I promise, the cat’s been out of the bag since 1531.

Hillary: No shit, Wow! That is incredible. Hey Monsi, since you seem to have connections, Do you think you could get Him to make me one, my husband, Bill would love to have a Virgin, I mean a painting of one, oh hell, you know what I mean.

I got to hand it to her, Hillary is quick on her feet. She held her head high as she left a bouquet of beautiful white flowers, on behalf of the American people, as a gift to the Virgin. Upon exiting the Basilica, Señora H., could no longer contain the build up of raw emotions created by her viewing of Our Lady of Guadalupe; the profound impact left upon her were apparent when being greeted by a group of citizens who had gathered outside the Basilica in her honour, she commented:

You have a marvelous Virgin!

Hillary, I don’t know why the Catholic Church in the U.S. and so many of your own citizens are getting all high and mighty over this little oversight; let me assure you, we Mexicans understand, we hold no hard feelings. You came here to talk drugs and thugs and got blindsided with a Virgin, don’t worry, God forgives you, and so does Mexico.